How Fear and Anger Relate

"Anger

Many people are familiar with depression. We are all familiar with anger. Anger says, "You are wrong, I am right." But if you listen closely, it can say more. 

How do you explain an overly aggressive animal? If it is domesticated or accustomed to sharing its space with humans, you suspect that fear is the problem. Though some run in fear, others attack, defending something important that is at risk. Listen to anger and you will frequently find fear. A woman rages at her husband for coming home late with alcohol on his breath. Sure, there is the "You are wrong" component. But there is also "I am afraid you are losing interest in me. I am afraid you could be tempted by another woman. And when you add alcohol, I get even more afraid." 

The problem is compounded with men because men aren’t supposed to be afraid. With no permission to discuss fears, men opt for anger. Sometimes their anger says, "This is the only way I know to get some control in an out-of-control world." But it’s a stopgap measure. Control that emerges out of anger is strictly temporary. Scripture says this about anger: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? You want something but don’t get it" (James 4:1—2). You want power, love, the TV remote, perfect children, but you don’t get them. 

Fear and anxiety say this: "You want something, and you might not get it." You want power, love, the TV remote, perfect children, but you might not get them. You want financial security, health for yourself and those you love, safe passage to work, and you know you can’t presume any of it. 

Fear and anger can be the same words spoken with a different attitude.

--Edward T. Welch, Running Scared: Fear, Worry & the God of Rest