How Fear and Anger Relate

"Anger

Many people are familiar with depression. We are all familiar with anger. Anger says, "You are wrong, I am right." But if you listen closely, it can say more. 

How do you explain an overly aggressive animal? If it is domesticated or accustomed to sharing its space with humans, you suspect that fear is the problem. Though some run in fear, others attack, defending something important that is at risk. Listen to anger and you will frequently find fear. A woman rages at her husband for coming home late with alcohol on his breath. Sure, there is the "You are wrong" component. But there is also "I am afraid you are losing interest in me. I am afraid you could be tempted by another woman. And when you add alcohol, I get even more afraid." 

The problem is compounded with men because men aren’t supposed to be afraid. With no permission to discuss fears, men opt for anger. Sometimes their anger says, "This is the only way I know to get some control in an out-of-control world." But it’s a stopgap measure. Control that emerges out of anger is strictly temporary. Scripture says this about anger: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? You want something but don’t get it" (James 4:1—2). You want power, love, the TV remote, perfect children, but you don’t get them. 

Fear and anxiety say this: "You want something, and you might not get it." You want power, love, the TV remote, perfect children, but you might not get them. You want financial security, health for yourself and those you love, safe passage to work, and you know you can’t presume any of it. 

Fear and anger can be the same words spoken with a different attitude.

--Edward T. Welch, Running Scared: Fear, Worry & the God of Rest 

Fear and Anger

"Scripture says this about anger: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? You want something but don’t get it" (James 4:1—2). You want power, love, the TV remote, perfect children, but you don’t get them. Fear and anxiety say this: "You want something, and you might not get it." You want power, love, the TV remote, perfect children, but you might not get them. You want financial security, health for yourself and those you love, safe passage to work, and you know you can’t presume any of it. Fear and anger can be the same words spoken with a different attitude."

Edward T. Welch,  Running Scared: Fear, Worry & the God of Rest 

God's Most Frequent Command

Edward Welch is a counselor and faculty member at Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF), along with people like David Powlison and Tim Lane. If you like this excerpt, he has written several helpful books, which are generally available from people in the church, including When People are Big and God is Small, Depression: A Stubborn Darkness, and Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave.

 

"Quick. What is, by far, God’s most frequent command?

The usual suspects include "Do not commit adultery," "Have no other gods before me," and "Love one another." The next group includes whatever commands you know you have violated, in which case they only feel as if they appear on every page of Scripture.

The actual answer is "Do not be afraid..."

"Don’t be afraid." "Don’t worry." They can be said so casually. I have said them to my wife when we have been on airplanes together and her palms were sweating before takeoff. My words, of course, were meaningless. They veered off into self-serving platitudes because I didn’t really want to hear about her fears. Already engrossed in the flight magazine’s crossword puzzle, I didn’t want to be bothered. But God’s words are nothing like my own.

Think about them. God never says anything just to get you off his back. The sheer number of times he speaks to your fears says that he cares much more than you know. He is not so busy that he attends only to macro-level concerns. Instead, he is close and speaks to the details of your troubles.

Do your troubles seem trivial, at least when compared to the dangers other people face? He knows you and has compassion. He does not compare your worries to those of others, decide which ones get priority, and then give everyone a number based on need. The way he repeats himself suggests that he understands how intractable fears and anxieties can be. He knows that a simple word will not banish our fears. He knows that our worries aren’t patiently waiting for permission to leave."

Edward T. Welch, Running Scared: Fear, Worry & the God of Rest (p. 62). New Growth Press. Kindle Edition.